no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
