she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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