My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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