How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
