Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
