and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
