oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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