Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
