I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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