He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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