your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
