Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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