My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
