i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
