Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
