There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
