return my video game
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
