Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
