Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
