when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
