so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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