is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she peed on how many people?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
