Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
