I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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