Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
