I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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