this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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