So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
