1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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