Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
