god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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