i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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