I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
