that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
