you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
