You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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