why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
