Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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