if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
