umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
