god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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