508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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