I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
