i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
