1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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