it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
