u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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