Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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