i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think my moral compass just broke
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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