They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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