I think my vagina is haunted
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
