Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I need moral support for this bender
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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