there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
