remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
