Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
