Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So vagazzling was a success
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
