turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
