Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
