Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize