i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
