She's JV to your varsity
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
