i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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