i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
