Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
