; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
