five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
