threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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