Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize