I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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