I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
