You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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