Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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