Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
