He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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