I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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